… the shadows of our feelings- always darker, emptier, and simpler.
_________
I finally have a break and I tried calling my boyfriend. It was a really big MISTAKE.
Word was a little hard today. I feel very tired and I can’t wait to get home and take a long warm shower and sleep. I intended to do other things, but seriously I feel blah.
Don’t you hate it when you are having a really bad day at work or whatever and you call your boyfriend just to hear his voice and he doesn’t sound as happy to hear you? Yes. I hate it too.
So I call him and he picks up…
He said: “hey…” (very lame and blah toned)
Of course I was confused because he NEVER greets me like that.
I said: “hey?! What am I one of your buddies?”
He tried to laugh… gave me a lame ass level 1 laugh.
He goes: “yeah… you one of my best buddies. Remember?” (I found this very strange…)
I’m thinking: NO ASSHOLE… Last time I checked you were my boyfriend.
So then I questioned him on why he was acting in such a way. Then he told me…
“I’m with my family in (blank place)”… I didn’t even hear him correctly.
So I’m thinking… “This is not what I was asking you. Is that supposed to be an excuse or something?”
OK so he was with his family…SO?! What the hell does that mean?
Then he called me stupid- Supposedly it was an “expression”.
Of course I didn’t express my thoughts. At that point I was done with it so my first instinct was to find and excuse to hang up.
Based on this small amount of words, you are probably thinking that I am overreacting. The thing is that he is the sweetest thing after sugar and he is never like that. Plus, I am having a not so great day so I expected some sweet I love you’s. If I didn’t know him or if he had not proven otherwise I would have thought that he was acting like that because he was around his family. The truth is that he has always given me my place and has never given me any reason to think that way. So that’s not the case… in case you guys are thinking that way.
After that he logged on to AIM and started acting like always. He had the “oh you are overreacting” attitude. I hate that! Specially cause he always disregards that I have feelings. Whatever… I’m seriously getting in that ‘FUCK IT’ mode with Michael. The truth is that shit like this gets old and they end up meaning nothing. This is the problem; the moment you stop caring about little things like this, you realize that it’s the same as not caring about anything he does. I mean… if you don’t care about the bad things he does, how can you care about the good things?
Oh well… welcome to my life.
Status: blah…
